Farah*, 34 years old, from Palestine
Before, I was living happily and didn't have issues in Palestine. The problems started because of the organisation I worked for; we ran projects in the Gaza Strip, allocating funds to the youth to start community projects and create more job opportunities.
Hamas, who governs Gaza, was interested in the money that was involved, so they monitored and restricted us a lot. At the end of the project, around 2015, the money that was unused needed to be returned to our funders, but Hamas wanted it from us.
They started interrogating members of the team and took me away for interrogation two or three times a week. They asked where the funds for the project came from, where the leftover money was. People who ran other projects in Gaza endured the same treatment.
They tortured me, burning plastic bags and putting them on my feet; I still have scars now. I was forced to stay at home for a year and a half, which felt like some kind of torture as well. I couldn’t work and I struggled financially. There are a lot of stories like this in Gaza - something similar happened to my mother when she worked for the government before Hamas took control.
On top of this, my mother-in-law was an avid supporter of Hamas. She often asked my husband for information about me and it seemed like Hamas was rewarding her in exchange for the information she gave.
We lived in a house all together and one day my mother-in-law decided to take my children to their paternal aunt’s house. When she came back, she physically assaulted me. I called my brother and he took me to my parent’s house, where I stayed for a long time. After that, I was prevented from seeing my children or even hearing from them.
I wanted to leave Gaza. I couldn't go outside and couldn’t work. I couldn't see my children. Two to three times a week, Hamas was taking me to be interrogated and tortured. I couldn’t stay there anymore. I tried many times to flee from Gaza but the difficulty is that we don't have an airport, just the Rafah crossing between Gaza and Egypt.
My father had some friends in Egypt and managed to get my name on the crossing list. This was on the Egyptian side of the border, where Hamas cannot access. My mother came with me; she was struggling with similar issues because of her past job.
We left Gaza in 2018. After the Rafah crossing, we went to Cairo airport and flew to Turkey, using a passport under a different name. This was common for people escaping Gaza, so that Hamas could not track them. From Turkey, we travelled to Greece. We walked through the forest and my mother struggled a lot. We stayed in Greece for a while, but I had some problems, which is why I left to come to the UK.
One day I went to the asylum centre in Athens to check the progress of my asylum application. There was a crowd and it was all disorganised. The police started hitting people so they would line up properly. There were only three women there - me, my mother and an elderly lady - the rest were men. I was pushed inside the building and a police officer handcuffed me. My mother started panicking and shouting because she didn't understand what was happening. They took us away in a police car.
We stayed at that police station for a long time. At the end of the questioning the police officer told my mother to leave. I was terrified, crying. In the end it was just the police officer and I left.
I needed to go to the toilet and he said I had to leave the door open. He burst into the cubicle and I tried to resist, but he was too strong. I started sweating, I felt like I couldn't see anything anymore. I screamed and he put his hand over my mouth. My heart was racing. I was petrified. He raped me.
Eventually I was taken back to the camp. My mother had been waiting for me all night.
For a while, I isolated myself and wouldn’t speak to anyone. I left Gaza seeking protection but in Greece I didn’t feel safe. I had flashbacks and a lot of disturbing nightmares. I couldn’t trust anyone, especially men.
After I reached the UK, I wasn't in touch with my family for some time. I felt a bit safer, but I had to start my life all over again. It was not easy, having been through so much.I enrolled in college and started therapy because I felt stuck, like I couldn’t move forward. It took me a long time to overcome what happened to me in the past. I felt like having refugee status here would make a big difference in my life.
What tortured me was the time. My kids were growing up and didn't know where I was. Their father prevented us from speaking. He had a new life, he was remarried and had more children.
My brother tried hard to establish contact between me and my children. He got a court order for my children to be able to visit my father every two weeks, which allowed me to reconnect with them just recently. We were separated when they were very young - my daughter is now 11 and my son is 10.
My son doesn't understand, but my daughter still remembers. She asks “Mum, when are you going to come and see us? Why are you far away from us?” My brother shows them where I am on the map and he says that although I am far away, hopefully they will be able to come and live with me one day.
Now I'm trying to find a way for my children to travel with my father so I can meet them in Egypt or Turkey. It is difficult, as nothing can be approved without the consent of the father.
I have some hope now, about my children. If I can't see them now, at least when they grow up and make their own decisions, they know that there is a safe country they can come to. Now, for the most part I'm feeling safe and happy. Not all parts of my life are dark now. There are things that I'm still scared of, but less than before. I’m more open to life than before.
*All names have been changed to protect participants.