Salma*, 35 years old, from Morocco
My husband and I married for love. We rushed it, but it was nice. He is British, and he was living here with his parents. When I came, they started giving me work. My mother-in-law said I had to do the household chores and clean everything.
They told me to clean the toilets and the floors, do the washing, the dishes, and the cooking. When I came back from work, even while heavily pregnant, I had to do the washing and the cleaning while everyone else relaxed. They verbally abused me, and criticised me a lot, too.
One night when my husband was out, my mother-in-law and sister-in-law were putting some dishes away. My sister-in-law was talking about me, saying “look at this stupid woman, how she put the frying pan in the drawer.” I was pregnant and I couldn’t bend to put things away easily.
I am a good person, I am diplomatic and I talk nicely, but I made the decision to stop the abuse. I told my sister-in-law not to call me stupid. She was angry and started shouting at me. My mother-in-law came and started shouting too.
Then, my father-in-law came and he pushed me to the ground. I was scared. I was eight months pregnant, and I was asking them “what is going on? I am just talking. I am trying to stop the abuse.” What happened that night took me a long time to work through in therapy.
I said I would call the police. He said, “call them, they will send you back to Morocco.” I felt like I was their maid and if I didn’t obey them then he would send me back. I had not married my husband to come and work as a maid. It was like I was a slave there.
I wish I had left sooner, because I was mentally damaged after everything that happened. I had panic attacks, and once I called the ambulance because I felt my body start to freeze. That was really hard - my daughter watched me, shocked. It affected her because she had witnessed everything. She was always seeing me crying.
I became a miserable person. My family were saying I was not myself and they asked why I was acting like I was in prison. I told them that was true, it was a prison.
One day after an argument with my mother-in-law, I decided to leave. It was a really hard decision, but a good decision. My daughters were my priority, I didn’t want them to live in this toxic atmosphere. I was lucky that after a long time I found the courage to stand up for myself.
When I was in that house, I never had time for my daughters; I was busy cleaning and doing chores. After leaving, I developed a great bond with my daughters. That is my strength, my power, when my daughters say, “Mummy I love you, you are the best mother in the world.” It was so hard to get over everything. When I started therapy, that was a lifesaver for me. Eventually, I found my independence.
I always tell my daughters: “we are strong women.” I want to teach them to advocate for themselves. My oldest daughter is sensitive like me, even in school they try to help her with breathing exercises to help her anxiety. She is too young to be experiencing that, but it’s a result of her seeing me like that all the time.
I got a new job as a business consultant. I pushed myself and went for the interview. I worked hard, I did my research and prepared to deliver a presentation. I told my boss after that it was my first presentation, and he was impressed. For the first 3 months I was the top performer in my team. I feel like there is no limitation for my ability to do something. If I set my mind to it, I will do it. I believe in myself more.
Sometimes when women go through things like I have, everything feels negative and they feel they cannot succeed - the same things I used to think. I can tell them that there is hope, that things can be good in the end. Everyone has something inside that can make them strong.
*All names have been changed to protect participants.